Sharing so many deep and vulnerable things on this blog has given me the shivers more than once. More often than not I write something and then go back before I send it and totally wonder where I am getting the nerve to do this. Not only am I going through the most challenging transformation of my life, I am exposing myself in the process. Shivers!
I have been planning this venture for a while. Reading and studying which program, what cost, where, when and how, and almost daily asking God for a sense of direction — a way to do it differently this time. And to let you inside a bit more, I needed a way to stay “honest” with myself first and with others second. The addictive qualities of overeating are just like any other substance use. It’s numbing out, it’s averting real feelings, it’s literally and emotionally stuffing things you don’t want to feel, and “hiding”. I needed a place where I could be completely honest — hence I blog.
Most addicts (including myself) lie. We lie about things that might make us look bad to others. We tell others what they want to hear not the truth. We “cover up” everything (not just about the substance usage) that might, could or would cause us embarrassment or shame. We lie. And we do it very well. Most people have no idea. Seriously, you have no idea! All the excuses…
I have been a liar. I have lied a lot. I am not proud of it. I have repented. I don’t want to be a liar anymore. I want to be real. I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to represent Him well. I want His glory to shine through me because for a long time I have stifled His glory. Jesus, thank you for forgiving me! Thank You for making all things new!
I have had shame, but now I have joy.
I have hidden, but now I am learning to be me.
I have lied, now I know Truth.
My prayer is if anyone knows and relates to these deep places that are not so lovely, you find your Hope. You find His glory. You find Truth in the inmost being. Jesus will restore the broken and tattered past. He brings restoration.
Thank you, David Brymer, for this great, great song of hope…. He Brings Restoration.